It’s such an easy word. It seems so innocuous at first, “guys.” After all, guys, we’re all included in that word, aren’t we? I mean, growing up, I always thought of myself as “one of the guys.”
But sad thing, it isn’t. It’s not inclusive and it’s not innocuous, and I came to find out, growing up, that I never was one of the guys. See, the guys shunned me when I grew tits, because, I was told guys don’t hang out with chicks. “It’s a guy thing.” Well, there’s a line in the sand if I ever saw one. Guys don’t hang out with girls they’re not dating, see. But woman grown, I am neither a girl nor a chick.
Football is a guy thing, and cars are too. To be a guy, you have to have a big dick. I discovered that my silicone one, even with a harness, doesn’t count. Especially if it’s the biggest one in the room. The astral phallus, no matter how hard I joked, didn’t cut it either.
So when someone walks in a room and says, “hey guys!” I know they’re not talking to me. It’s kind of funny, as “guy” used to be a term of ridicule, all thanks to one Guy Fawkes. Turning to my demi-god, the Oxford English Dictionary, I found a guide to the word “guy.” For a while, “guy” was a verb, meaning to ridicule. Guy was, and sometimes still is, a derisive little dig at some ass who is behaving in kind, deserving to be made a fool of. It was from this sense, the idea of the fool, that the usage popular in the United States likely stemmed–today it means any man. To be a “guy” you have but to be male, member and all. So sayeth the OED.
If that’s what a “guy” is, I don’t want to be one. I don’t think I ever was one, nor were any of my male friends. Even if I started to use “guy” for women specifically, it won’t wash the ridicule from the word, and the rest of the world will still mean “man” when they speak it. Yet it still slips my lips, one syllable, so easy. “Folks” isn’t the same, like it though I do. “People” has two beats, and that breaks it, lazy ass that I am. And because I didn’t grow up in the south, “y’all” is foreign on my tongue.
“‘Night, guys.” “Bye, guys.” After all, it’s a “guy” thing. We “dolls” wouldn’t understand.